


Like A Coconut

by AnthraxValentines



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Atlantic City, Charlie And Dennis Commit Acts Of Sodomy For Champagne Money Is What It Boils Down To, Charlie Is Super Sensitive Everywhere Always, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Repeated Use Of The Term "Lot Lizards", Super Soft And Tender Charlie/Dennis Moments, Threesome - M/M/M, motel sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 17:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnthraxValentines/pseuds/AnthraxValentines
Summary: An AU in which Charlie and Dennis hitch a ride with that trucker from the woods to Atlantic City except then they DO "split him open like a...like a coconut."And it's a worthwhile time for everyone involved.
Relationships: Charlie Kelly/Dennis Reynolds, Charlie Kelly/Dennis Reynolds/Truck Driver
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	Like A Coconut

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahahahaha okay i hope you like it and i apologize in advance
> 
> p.s. CAN YOU SPOT THE FAT JOE REFERENCE i've been listening to his new single feat. cardi b on repeat

Instead of sidestepping the trucker’s proposals and getting the fuck out of there, Charlie had been stuck with the good business sense to haggle with the man.

“How’s about we go into a room and you two split me open like…like a coconut?”

“N-“

“Heyyy now Dennis,” Charlie mutters urgently, turning fully toward him to hide his face from the trucker, “where’s your spirit of adventure?”

“WHAT?”

But Charlie is already turning back to the trucker, whose name they’ve recently learned is Byron.

“A thousand bucks.”

“Oh come on now boy, $800’s the going rate for a pair of-“

“Byron! We’re in TUXEDOS, dude!!”

The trucker stops himself, then eyes Charlie up and down before his eyes dart to Dennis and complete his scan of the situation.

“Fair enough.”

“Really?

“I’ll go get us a room. Wait here to see which room I go into then wait five minutes.”

The reality of the situation sets in the moment the door of the semi slams shut behind him, and Dennis and Charlie can hardly look at each other as they wait. Dennis fishes around in his pocket after a minute, when Byron walks out of the office he glances over to see Dennis and Charlie have hushed conversation in the cab of his truck. _Nice little friendship they’ve got,”_ is all he thinks.

By the time the two walk into the room, Byron is looking half-decent stripped down to his white undershirt and boxers, steam and the scent of soap evidencing a quick shower. 

He holds the door open and watches them walk in...watches Dennis sniff a few times and dab a knuckle under his nose, watches Charlie as he pulls the tip of his index finger out of his mouth with a pop…they look nervous, he thinks. As soon as he’s shut the door behind them, Byron steps up behind Dennis and wraps his hands softly around his hips, pulls Dennis in close to palm at the front of his pants while giving one earlobe a nibble.

Dennis’s breath catches, and his wide eyes naturally dart to find Charlie’s. Charlie has gone just as wide-eyed, and though he’s immobilized his eyes are full of electricity, equal parts terrified and intrigued.

“You seem awfully prepared for this, Byron, ha ha,” Dennis stutters out, clenching his fists for lack of knowing what to do with them as Byron flicks his button open.

“Well I’ve uh, got a confession,” he steps away from Dennis and runs his hand through his hair as he takes Dennis by the wrist and leads him toward the bed, “I might've sorta left out some facts earlier, but you know uh, it's not really relevant—I myself was a lot lizard for a couple of years there. More pleasure than business for me.” 

When they reach the bed, Byron sits at the edge of the mattress with his legs spread wide so he can pull Dennis to stand between them. “That’s why I uh…well, I more or less got myself ready to go while you were waiting. Ain't a big deal, okay? We all got a past." He digs his fingertips beneath Dennis’s waistband and begins easing it downward as he turns his head to catch Charlie’s gaze. 

"Which means, I guess…” Dennis says, settling into the situation, “…all you’ve gotta do is get the two of us ready." 

The hopelessly aroused trucker looks up at Dennis with mischief in his eyes, eyebrow cocked and a half smile on his lips.

_He's not much when he's hunched over the steering wheel of an 18-wheeler…_ but Charlie believes Byron when he says he was a "lot lizard" (which, while we're on the subject…_wtf_). His eyes are warm and he looks self-assured (_also... what's the deal here, aren't truckers supposed to be out of shape?)_, and with a practiced motion Charlie almost misses, the trucker has Dennis’s cock freed from his tuxedo trousers and gotten his lips and hand around it. Once again, as Dennis’s breath hitches, he turns to meet Charlie’s eyes.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Fuck…”

“Yeah…” Charlie’s eyes dart from Dennis’s eyes down to where his friend’s cock is hardening in a stranger’s mouth. 

“Come over here, man"

“I, uh-“ But instead of protesting, Charlie swallows and slowly approaches the pair of men. Now he can’t tear his eyes away from Dennis’s.

Like he’s on a tightrope, and if he breaks their gaze for a second he might fall.

He stops a foot and a half from Dennis, which already feels uncomfortably close to him, until Dennis reaches out with one hand and lays it softly on his face—upon feeling that touch, despite himself, Charlie finds his eyes slipping closed and his shoulders dropping as tension leaves them.

“Hey.”

Charlie opens his eyes to find that he, at some point, stepped closer, that he’s now inches from Dennis’s face, and sees Dennis biting his lip and staring at Charlie’s with heavy-lidded eyes.

“Yeah?” Charlie whispers.

“This is going to be fun.”

“Yesss…” Charlie hisses breathily as Dennis hooks a finger around his belt loop, tugging him the remaining few inches to draw their bodies together before stifling Charlie’s gasp by latching their lips together.

Dennis had immediately palmed (not grabbed nor gripped) the back of Byron's head as the man began sucking him, and when he meets Charlie's lips his hips buck half-involuntarily and his pulse jumps and blood rushes to his cock and Dennis is only now realizing how deep he is capable of burying his feelings, the feeling currently in question being his longing for Charlie.

_Mac never would've gone this far with him if it meant deviating from the plan and most likely risking his immortal soul, his chance at eternal life in heaven, and any ray of God's grace that still shone on him._

_Charlie's simply an innocent pervert, shameless in a healthy way, accepting of his assured sentence in hell, (nearly) fearless, never one to bury his head in the sand or run from a challenge._

_Mac couldn't even survive a day as Brian LeFevre's body guard, but Charlie had gone days as different characters completely on his own volitio, for fuck's sake. He might be the most adaptable person Dennis has every known, and now..._

Now Charlie makes surprisingly quick work of Dennis's bowtie and the rest of the tuxedo buttons and clasps, and in response Dennis sucks his bottom lip and helps him push his jacket and shirt off his shoulders as the man pushes off his shirt and tosses it over toward wherever the hell. Between the unexpected closeness with Dennis and the appealing friction of Byron's finding his cock and palming it through too much fabric, Charlie's knees are starting to get wobbly. He grabs Dennis by the scruff of the neck, pulling him in close as he sways in place (lips still searching for contact).

"That's it. Oh, I bet you got a real nice rig under there, am I right?" Byron murmurs as he fumbles with the elaborate fastenings of tuxedo trousers and a cumberbun. Charlie gasps when rough hands (rougher than his, even) tug him closer to the bed, but he pulls himself together enough to tear at his bowtie as Dennis works on his buttons.

"Holy shit," Charlie replies. He's sure he can't form an answer to that right now because, after all, three pairs of hands are scrambling to get him naked. "I mean, um. I don't know, you know, I guess it's…"

"He does," Dennis cuts in. He looks at Charlie with the thirstiest goddamn expression, never mind that Dennis doesn't actually have any idea what Charlie's cock is like.

"Shut up, dude…" Charlie kisses Dennis demonstratively and tugs the man's pants down over his ass. Only when the three of them get Charlie freed of his clothes, does he willingly break their kiss and turn toward the bed. "Alright, let's get this show on the road."

"Fine by me," Dennis breathes and he marvels at Charlie, who then has the gumption to shoo the trucker backward and tug at him by his t-shirt collar, ushering him onto the bed.

The trucker scoots back and delights in getting an eyeful of Charlie’s “rig” as Charlie kneels up on the bed, bringing him nearly face to face with it. Charlie turns to give Dennis a look, but in the same moment he went feels lips around the tip of his not-soft cock...which nearly causes him to lose his balance when he squeezes his eyes shut and spasms slightly. 

Dennis catches him, kissing Charlie's whining lips as he rapidly grows hard in Byron’s mouth. Dennis gives each of his nipples the tiniest little pinch-and-roll and the volume of Charlie’s response—a sound which starts as a yelp, goes through a moaning phase and ends as a growl—prompts Byron to pull away from Charlie’s cock and wipe his mouth before chuckling breathily.

“God damn, kid. Little sensitive, are ya? Hmmmm…” His voice is softer than Charlie imagined it would be, and he smiles when Charlie just gasps for air in response. He holds Charlie’s hips still to ground him and leisurely licks at the pre-cum that just beaded at the tip of Charlie’s cock before turning to give Dennis a glance of his own. Dennis is on his knees in the center of the bed, looking like a jittery person pretending to be relaxed. He's stroking his cock slowly, his grip firm.

Byron, for his part, can barely believe his luck. He knows exactly what he wants. He has known since the moment these pretty boys in tuxedos wandered up to his truck. _Pretending to be stranded, pff. Weak excuse to be out in the woods dressed like that._

__

__

“God help me. Here’s what we’re gonna do, boys. I’m gonna get on my hands and knees, and Adonis over here,” he nods toward Dennis, “is gonna ride my ass so hard I need a pillow for the return trip. And you…” he massages Charlie’s hips and as he lifts his head to meet Charlie’s glazed-over eyes, “I just need you to lay back against the headboard there, yeah, just like that, and...we’ll find out just how sensitive you are.”

“Yeah that’s...that’s just what I was going to say,” Charlie mutters as a crawls into place and props himself up a little on a few pillows. He doesn't even care when Byron smirks at him, because he's already gotten lost watching Dennis kneel up and get into position himself, towering over them both. Charlie can't hold back a little moan when Dennis tugs Byron's hips back and presses down between his shoulder blades to force him to his elbows.

"Condoms?" Charlie asks distantly, still fully focused on Dennis situating himself and squeezing the trucker's ass.

Dennis cocks an eyebrow, clearly impressed at his thoughtfulness in this moment as Byron nods and looks up, “ohhh...yeah, yeah, right under the pillow there.”

Dennis’s eyebrow cock intensifies as Charlie snags one and tosses it to him offhandedly. “What?” Charlie asks. “Life, much like improv, is a game of “_Yes, And_,” dummy.**1 **

“...Right.” Dennis rolls the condom on and squeezes Byron’s ass, teasing his entrance with the head of his cock.

****

****

“Ohhh god, that’s...listen, I’m good to go, so, any time now Dennis…” Byron leans back into him but turns his attention to Charlie, smoothing his hands over his thighs and leaving a trail of faint kisses down along his hips to the base of his cock, which he sucks a kiss into (oh how Charlie _whines_) before getting on with it.

Dennis is watching all this, eyes drawn to the dramatic rise and fall of Charlie’s chest first, then to source of his breathlessness—and he times his first thrust to match Byron getting his lips tight around Charlie and taking him down his throat right off the bat.

_There. Skewered, split open, same difference. They’ve fulfilled their end of the bargain. But they’re far from finished._

“Ohhhh-hh-hh fuu-uu-uuck…” Dennis would already be getting off on the absurdity of this situation, but with the bonus of watching Charlie ascend into the ether as Byron takes him apart got him impossibly harder, and he can’t help but begin rapidly pistoning his hips, skipping any kind of build-up.

“Juuust like that, god DAMN…” Byron gasps, clearly unbothered by the roughness. Quite to the contrary.

“Holy shit...holy shit you guys...Dennis...” Charlie is whining and gasping already, twisting his hands in the sheets and alternating between squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back and watching Byron incredulously. Hearing Charlie moan his name when he wasn’t even the one pleasuring him had Dennis momentarily blacking out.

“Fuck...fuck…” Dennis’s vision refocuses when Charlie continues babbling, and finds Charlie is now staring desperately at him. “That feels...hah-...AH-...Den-!” He throws his head back again and only mostly succeeds in stopping himself from bucking his hips and causing the trucker to choke.

“Mmm, sounds like someone knows how to suck cock, huh?” Dennis switches to long, slow thrusts, pulling nearly out before watching his cock disappear once again. He slaps his hand across one ass cheek and Byron moans, muffled as his sucks wetly at Charlie’s head, “mm-hmmm….”

“Fuck, yeah, you better make it good for him…” 

Dennis can already feel his orgasm building—the tight heat around his dick being primarily responsible but Charlie’s response is a heavy contributor—his eyes flicker open at those words...he bites his bottom lip with a whimper and throws a hand behind him to grip the top of the headboard (his bicep flexing in a way that is JUST unfair) while letting the other drop to the back of Byron’s bobbing head...and as he locks eyes with Dennis again, Byron apparently does something to him that has his jaw dropping open to let out a lewd, shuddering moan. Dennis doesn’t have to ask; heat shoots through to the head of his cock when Charlie widens his legs and Dennis realizes Byron is teasing the rim of his asshole with one wet finger.

_ _“Oh god, oh fuck, yes...oh my god…” Charlie feels his cock starting to leak threatening, no doubt smearing along Byron’s tongue and throat, so the man must know he’s close...and he’s overstimulated as it is, but feels absolutely wanton lying under Dennis’s starved, naked stare. Yep, he’s close._ _

_ _And then he feels that fingertip slipping into him, stimulating nerves Charlie had never appreciated before, just as Dennis bottoms out in Byron, panting and grinding his hips. “I’m really...fucking close...fuck, I need to come soon…” Dennis grits out, and _oh god oh fuck_ Charlie has never been interested in getting fucked (though happily fanticizes about the opposite), but if he ever were to let someone fuck him, he’d quite like it to be right now, and to be with him in Byron’s position...and the thought of that corresponds just so with that fingertip efficiently finding his prostate, and Byron swallowing around his head, and Dennis still devouring him with his eyes...that’s it._ _

“I’m-, FUCK-, Den-!” Charlie twists and arches his back, shouting as he comes. Byron immediately pulls off and fists him through it, allowing Dennis to watch as Charlie shoots come across his own stomach and chest, the rest running over Byron’s fingers and down the length of his cock.

“Good boy...good boy…” It’s unclear who Dennis is talking to, but it doesn’t matter because he’s seconds away from coming himself.

“Fuck…” Byron’s voice is raspy as he pulls off (and out of) Charlie, just laying his forehead on his thigh instead. “Dennis I wantcha to...wantcha to get that condom off and come on my ass...make a mess...ahhhhh…” Not that anyone has cared, but Byron’s only been willing himself not to come this whole time—he’s great at holding back (a former professional after all), but his cock has been dribbling continuously and a string of come connects the flushed head of his dick to the pool he’s left on the sheets. It’s like Dennis forces out a little more with every thrust, and Byron knows feeling his cock contracting and coming inside him would set him off...and he’s got other plans.

“Can do, babydoll.” A few more sharp thrusts and Dennis pulls out. He carelessly tugs the condom off himself, fucks his fist a few times, and aims right at the trucker’s puckering hole as he shoots several streams of come with a low groan.

_ _There’s only gasping for a few moments. Dennis slumps back onto his heels, runs a hand through his hair, and looks at Charlie, who has just had a shattering orgasm himself...but is looking at Dennis just a little unhinged, a little hungry, still a little lust-drunk. Dennis watches Charlie’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows. They size each other up, contentedly getting their fill of the unprecedented sight of each other in this state...contentedly letting their imaginations take off running for a moment._ _

_ _Then Byron lifts his head from Charlie’s thigh and clears his throat. He’s jerking himself slowly and speaks with the same casual confidence as before._ _

"An extra fifty bucks if you can go a second time, Mr. Hottie. I want you to get me sloppy like your buddy did.." 

"Really? An extra fifty?"

"Listen. I believe in gratuity."

“O...okay, yeah…” Charlie sounds a little dazed but assumes Dennis's position and smooths one hand over the small of the man's back before giving one ass cheek a slap. Dennis scoots back to give Charlie space, and before crawling away he wraps his arms around Charlie’s waist from behind with a hum. He takes Charlie’s cock, pushing the owner’s hand away, and rocks Charlie’s body forward with his own so he can guide it to smear the head through a stripe of his come, right over Byron’s sensitive hole.

“Dennis…” Charlie breathes, “...that’s disgusting…” but he leans his weight back into Dennis’s chest and lets it happen, his pulse quickening again.

Too soon, Dennis lets him go and runs his hands up his sides. He squeezes Charlie’s chest and gives each nipple a little pinch with a hum. Grinds his bobbing half-hard cock between Charlie’s ass cheeks. And, finally, swipes his hand across Charlie’s chest and stomach, gathering come in the palm of his hand, which Charlie almost thinks to question until he watches settle against the headboard and uses the lube to slick himself up and begin stroking himself leisurely.

_God. Jesus. Oh christ. What even is that,_ Charlie thinks, followed by, _I am going to make him do that again as soon as possible, but next time he’ll be wiping it off himself._

"Okay, princess. Ass up, face down." Charlie focuses on the task at hand, somehow, and is satisfied at Byron’s reaction to his taunting words. He’d noticed, as Dennis unconsciously muttered on and off while fucking the trucker, that their new friend had just a bit of a thing for being degraded.

"Is that the best you can do? Go wider for me. That's right, knees out. Holy shit..." The last part was in a complete whisper to himself, thankfully, but he trembles at the enhanced view. He lifts his eyes to meet Dennis's as he immediately takes advantage of the easier access by using two fingers to smear around the stripes of cum Dennis had left behind before thrusting them in.

_ _Watching Charlie put on a show like this, watching him bite his lip, watching his face flush as he scissors his fingers unnecessarily, well...as Dennis settles into Charlie's former position, adjusted for Byron's face to be shoved into a pillow so Dennis has scooted to the side, but...god, he's feeling like if this view of Charlie was the last thing he ever saw, he'd be pretty okay with that. _ _

_Two can play at that game_, Dennis realizes. With that, he grazes two fingers gently over the purpling bruise Charlie left behind on his neck and lets his lips fall open with a gasp.

_ _Charlie rolls a condom on as efficiently as he can, and Dennis rewards him with a truly filthy stare as he pushes in all at once, reels for a moment (from both the sensations and the knowledge of what’s causing some of them...), and begins steadily fucking the sighing and moaning man below him. Dennis proceeds to flick his eyes between Charlie's face and where he has a view of his cock pumping in and out._ _

_ _Charlie, for his part, is transfixed, all of his senses working in the same direction, for once. This is the longest he's paid his full attention to any one activity, possibly ever, and…well, it only has partially to do with the man who just sucked him off and is now pushing back against him greedily._ _

_ _Byron had had quite a nice time with Dennis pounding into him, but discovers Charlie must have just half an inch on Dennis in length, or is maybe just the slightest bit thicker, because the pressure on his prostate is even heavier before and he knows he has to let go soon. He muffles incoherent sobs and moans with the pillow he’s buried his face in and his knuckles turn white—one set fisting the sheets, one set around the base of his cock because even the light trail of his fingers up and down had become too much._ _

_ _Charlie reaches his second breaking point too quickly, he almost thinks, and very audibly—also strange. He’s very quiet when he’s getting off alone. He rips his gaze from Dennis jerking himself and flicks his eyes up to look at his face, and Dennis gives him a heated wink. _ _

_OH RIGHT…_ Charlie had forgotten that just before departing the truck, he had said “yes” to Dennis when his friend pulled out a tiny bag of crystals. “MDMA…” Dennis had muttered. “The good shit. There’s plenty for later now that’s just the two of us...if we just wanna...do a bump NOW…”

_ _So THAT’s why they’re both already at the point of edging again. And basically mind-melding. And the energy in their eye contact could only be illustrated by that lightening that forms between Harry and Voldemort’s wands when they’re trying to murder the shit out of each other (and Charlie and Dennis are fucked up enough that the thought of trying to murder the shit out of each other sounds almost as erotic as their present situation)._ _

_ _“YEAH, oh right there, I’m gonna-...AHH-” Dennis and Charlie are drawn back to reality when Byron all but collapses beneath Charlie, coming harder than even he’d expected. It sets off a chain reaction—his ass tightens around Charlie unbearably, and a moment later he’s grasping at himself to get the condom off and stroking himself roughly before watching with wonder as his come joined Dennis’s (only for a second though, because the sensation of a _second orgasm_ (another new experience for Charlie) was almost immediately too intense to keep his eyes open. _ _

_ _Dennis feels like combusting at the sight, and nearly does combust when he feels Byron’s hand gliding up his thigh and between his legs. Dennis takes one last look at Charlie shaking, then throws his head back and comes the moment he feels the pressure of a hand gently, firmly, massaging his balls. _ _

_ _Charlie pulls out and falls back on his haunches, and Byron collapses on his side before stretching out on his back with a contented sigh. Dennis is still shivering and coming down when he crooks a finger at Charlie, who crawls over and just sits alongside him, propping himself up with one hand and trailing the fingers attentively up and down Dennis’s arm, noticing a smattering of faint freckles on his bicep near his shoulder for the first time. Dennis practically purrs as his eyes fall closed, absorbed in the feeling of that light contact._ _

“We should get cleaned up and go in a second,” Charlie murmurs, his eyes also drifting shut.

“Yeah, so...that was...just what I needed,” Byron announces. “You boys sure do a good job. Good business model, teaming up like this. Works for ya.” He cracks an eye open with a droopy grin. “Money’s in the top drawer of the dresser.”

“Nice.”

_ _Charlie drags himself to his feet and stumbles to the dresser. _ _

"There's already an extra $50 on top here..." Charlie laughs faintly. What even is this day.

"I'm a man who knows what he wants, Chaz."

_ _Dennis snorts and joins Charlie to wash up in the bathroom. They straighten up as best they can (Byron watches with amusement as they become slightly transfixed with smoothing the wrinkles out of their shirts repeatedly), and bid him farewell._ _

_ _**_ _

_ _They giggle uncontrollably for the length of the parking lot then jabber about whatever flows through their minds. They’ve been walking from the motel toward the casino for about twenty minutes when a thought cuts through Charlie's mind like a soft cheese._ _

“So, if his thing was that he wanted us to split him open like a coconut…” Charlie begins tentatively and Dennis fixes his eyes straight ahead, determined to wait it out.

“...and we both, uh, like, PRACTICALLY finished inside…?”

“Yeah, I guess so… What’s your question?”

“...........does that make his ass a coconut creampie?”

_ _Dennis doesn't look at him, just grins and throws an arm around his shoulders, plants a fond kiss on his head, and laughs._ _

"Charlie, Charlie…"

Charlie hums happily. "Yeah?"

"This is going to be a night to remember."

_ _

_ __ _

**1**Dennis doesn’t wonder why Charlie knows about the mechanics of improv, which is good, because he will NEVER find out how much Charlie and Dee’s “whose life is harder” competition escalated a few years back—after they both bombed at the comedy club’s open mic night, they’d gotten to drinking and grumbling and, as usual, wound up blaming the medium rather than their own lack of effort. “Open mic isn’t even pure comedy, it’s just like...your thoughts, man,” Dee had hiccuped at him. “Well what else is there?” he’d groaned. And that’s how they wound up, in their near-blackout state of drunkenness, registering for an improv class. A non-refundable improv class. So you better believe Dee made them go.

**Author's Note:**

> again, I am so sorry. I was egged on. (thank you for that.)
> 
> remember...there is honor and dignity in commenting on porn and those who do are braver than us marines
> 
> plus it would make me really happy :)


End file.
